I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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