I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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