3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
We left an ass print on the piano.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
