Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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