...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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