I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
