he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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