Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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