Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I pour the whiskey from now on
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
