My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
