just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
