i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
