you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
