I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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