Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
