Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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