Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
