Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
