TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
