Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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