OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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