im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
