I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
So much Jack, so little girl.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
