She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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