Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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