And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
