Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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