Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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