I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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