So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
just tell him i said nine months
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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