is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
