last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
