she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
