things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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