I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize