wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
