Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
