nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
so much tequila, so little girl.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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