I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
