apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
