You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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