i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
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