dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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