i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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