Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
