I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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