I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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