Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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