i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
