I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
