so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
