so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
