He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
