i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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