so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
