Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Houston, we have a blender
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
