Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
