She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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