so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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