Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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