Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
