WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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