I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
