i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Randomize