i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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