Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
