Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
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That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
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It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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