I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
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