ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
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