she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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