How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
