I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
