that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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