I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Don't make out with my wife yet
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
